Date Everythingis full ofwacky charactersand unique personalities. With over 100 fully voiced characters, each character is an embodiment of an object that you may find and meet in your small house.
But not every Dateable character is a household object come to life, and some can even beabstract concepts or self-referential jokesthat the developers decided to put in there for fun.
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Here’s a list of Dateables who have weird and wacky personalities and whose very existence in the game is downright silly.
I mean,the entire premise of the game is very silly in and of itself(even Ray Chase thinks so), but these 11 Dateables take the cake by having absolutely ridiculous designs, unhinged personalities, and storylines that will have you facepalming.
Warning: Mild spoilers for some characters' storylines!
House Homie!
Robbie Daymond
Any closet; bedroom, laundry room, gym
Date-A-Dex #.
At first glance, there’s really not much off-putting about the Hanks.They’re five himbos with a thirst for adventure, and are genuinely supportive and caring for their “house homie.” Not only that, but since there are five of them, you get more bang for your buck if you’re cool with their penchant for spewing Gen-Z brainrot slang.
But you’ll quickly realize that all five of them share a hive mind, and something starts to feel amiss about the five of them. All of them share the same name and lack any sort of individuality, merging and fusing to become an amalgamation that you see before you.
It’s also implied that there used to be more of them,but the game conveniently doesn’t explore that little lore mystery.
I love the Hanks and their energy, but there’s something genuinely off about them being practically the same person. Anybody getting Delightful Children from Down the Lane vibes from Kids Next Door?
10Parker Bradley
Get Ready For A Game Changer!
Brennan Lee Mulligan
Date-A-Dex
A major reason I included Parker Bradley is that he’s voiced by Brennan Lee Mulligan, whoseunhinged and excessively competitive persona and love for tabletop gamesare packed into one Dateable and cranked up to 11.
Dating Parker is, in his own words, a game of pure RNG, and he is so obsessed with playing games by the book that he determines the course of your relationship simply by how many points you earn from a die roll. I guess this is the closest thing we get to being on Dimension 20 with Brennan.
Whether or not you’re familiar with Brennan’s skits onDropout TV, you will no doubt feel that there’s something off about Parker. From the way he cackles and expresses his fervent passion for rules, you’d think thathe’d explode into a furious whirlwind of anger if you broke the rules or beat him in his own game.
Just watch anyGame Changer episode with Brennan,and you’ll get what I mean.
9Vaughn Trapp
Ya Got The Cheese?
Dana Snyder
Crawlspace
Date-A-Dex Entry No.
Vaughn is the very reason I came up with this list.What captures the essence of a mousetrap and anything rodent-related more than a gremlin rat man with a stereotypical New Yorker accent?
Vaughn’s storyline is quite short, and he’s relegated to just an “angry rat man” whose only purpose is to be played by Danny DeVito. He’s a bit unlikable as a person–he’s bitter about his lot in life, and laments about being taken for granted and how he deserves better.
While I can empathize, I feel likehe’s written as more of a caricature of a short, stocky man and a comedic relief rather than a genuine love interest.
His first introduction just has him yelling at you and begging for cheese, which just feels like a chihuahua running up to bark and hump your leg. What a weirdo.
WALLLLLL!!!
Hallway wall next to the bedroom
Along with Vaughn, Wallace is probably one of the goofiest Dateables, simply by the virtue that his whole thing is that he can only ever utter the word “WALL” and nothing else.
He’s intentionally written as one-dimensional, and yetthat simplicity is what makes him all the more endearing.I mean, he’s the wall, and there’s no need for any complexity with him.
He’s by far the easiest object to romance, and though you’re not required to check up on him all the time after you romance him,doing so might make him open up and speak in full sentences.
7xxXShadowl0rd420Xxx
It’s Not A Phase, Mom!
Misaligned shadow next to the globe in the living room
If there’s a Dateable who perfectly balances badass and silly, then it’s xxXShadowl0rd420Xxx.His juvenile name harkens back to Xbox Call of Duty usernames back in the late 2000s,and juxtaposes the terrifyingly hot and badass monstrous form that he has.
Embodying the darkness itself, it’s no surprise that the lord of shadows is an edgelord who suffers from a textbook case of chunibyo (middle schooler delusions of grandeur), striking brooding poses, using excessively grandiose vocabulary, and giving you the nickname “Penumbra.”
xxXShadowl0rd420Xxx should be cringey to talk to, and yet his delusional persona evokes a sense of nostalgia that I’m sure many of us can relate to–who hasn’t been in a cringey, edgy, or emo phase?
And once you complete his storyline, you find out that his true form is an adorably timid guy whose real name is Skips Shadley.
6Mikey Transaction
Give Me Your Money!
Max Mittelman
Bedroom, treasure chest on the nightstand (DLC)
Date Everythingdoesn’t take itself seriously, and while some might find the self-referential humor tiring, it’s always refreshing to see video games make fun of themselves and certain industry practices as a whole.
Mikey Transaction is literally the embodiment of microtransactions,and his storyline is a critique of the predatory practices that microtransactions do to lure you into a gambling addiction.
Underneath the showy customer service persona is a divorced dad whose character surprisingly fits the sad state of video games nowadays.
5The Sassy Chap
Date All 30 Devs!
Adam Croasdell
Credits “app” on your phone
You’ll notice at this point that most characters here are fourth wall breaks, andwhat better way to break the fourth wall than by allowing you to indirectly date the developers of the game?
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Finding these Dateables is going to take some extra work.
The Sassy Chap himself is the devs. All 30 of them, including the founders Ray Chase, Max Mittelman, and Robbie Daymond. The Sassy Chap isn’t a real character with any depth.
I mean, the game specifically describes him as a one-dimensional PNG mascot who’s only there to be a matchmaker for you to date the devs of Sassy Chap Games.
Still, it’s a cute novelty in a game that celebrates the talent and work put into creating any creative project. It’s also a nice little way to get to know every person behind the game, most especially getting to hear the voices of the real people who founded the company.
VAR WeirdDateable = True
John Patneaude
Bedroom dresser
Daemon is perhaps one of the most terrifying characters in the game, and that’s saying a lot, since Nightmare is literally a (hot) chimeric monster who preys on your fears.
As the personification of a game bug, Daemon is a way for the developers to intentionally let slip the ins and outs of their game development process, and has even hinted that the programming tool they used is Inky, which is a popular tool forvisual novels.
It doesn’t help that Daemon is a corrupted version of what could’ve been Deenah the dresser, and the combination of missing textures, unpolished artwork, and unsettling fourth wall breaks makes this shippable bug both strange and scary.
Sexy Mode: Activated
Eric Bauza
Dishy is just straight up weird. He’s a sentient dishwasher whose design might seem lazy at first glance, but very clearly evokes some commercial mascot that you can’t help but feel contains some eldritch horror inside.
And throughout your interactions with Dishy, it does feel like something is amiss with this weirdo. He talks like a robot, begs you to bring him online for “updates,” and is always willing to please you.
On my first playthrough, I found it extremely hard to trust him and refused to connect him to the Wi-Fi because I was worried he might trigger some type ofAI revolution.
But eventually,Dishy will transform into a godlike entity ripped straight from aJRPG final boss fight,complete with halos and biblical imagery, and challenge you to a boss fight that you would never have expected. Like… what???
Hope You’re Good At Sudoku
SungWon Cho
Stare at the wall for 30 seconds opposite the dining room window
Doug is a weird one, andI’m fairly certain that he is a joke character written to be disliked.After all, he is the embodiment of existential dread, and the only way to interact with him is to stare at a random wall for 30 seconds straight.
With a deadpan delivery voiced by Sungwon Cho AKA ProZD, an empty expression, and an unbelievably ripped body of Olympian proportions, Doug is irrefutably written to be the kind of asshole that you would either love or hate.
As a character, Doug’s entire existence boils down to constantly reminding you and others of the inevitability of mortality, and that the only way to cope with one’s futile existence is this high-schooler’s understanding of Nietzschean nihilism.
Doug is reminiscent of someone whose edgy teenage phase never ended,and makes their excessively pessimistic outlook on life everybody else’s problem.
